I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

People with Borderline Personality Disorderexperience such violent and frightening mood swingsthat they often fear for their sanity. They can beeuphoric one moment, despairing and depressed thenext. There are an estimated 10 million sufferersof BPD living in America today -- each displayingremarkably similar symptoms:

Kreisman and Straus do an excellent job of explaining the root causes, behaviors, and treatment of the disorder as well as coping skills for dealing with a person with BPD. Although the relationship was turbulent and ended disastrously, I found a great deal of comfort in the book because it explained how and why a borderline behaves the she does. I learned that I indeed had narcissistic tendencies which drew me toward women with clinging and idealizing behavior, but then devaluating and vengeful behavior. Basically I was involved in a hostile/dependent ( narcissistic / borderline ) relationship. It made me take a serious look at my self. I also have learned to be a lot more cautious about who I relate with in my life.

Borderlines are not evil, just very vengeful and scared people. If you are involved in any capacity with someone who exhibits primitive idealization, devaluation, omnipotence, projection, or projective identification and seems irrational, this person may have BPD. This book will help you learn principles to help cope with a borderline. I sure wish I had access to it when I was involved with one.

I think this is among the books which have had the most positive impact on my life. This book will help you identify and understand borderline behavior as well as cope with those who are afflicted with this misunderstood and painful disorder. I hope you will find it useful as I have.


There's a Name for His Lunacy!   May 13, 2001
42 out of 43 found this review helpful

This amazing little book litteraly fell off the shelf at my feet in Borders one night. The title intrigued me, so I took it home. Then it saved my life. I had begun to question not only my husband's sanity, but my own...but, this book gave me a name for it - BPD. This little book validated me. It also gave me coping methods and such a great understanding. I realized that this is an illness and I didn't have to take these behaviors personally. This book is more clinical than Stop Walking On Eggshells, but even the non-medical person should be able to gain great insight and understanding of their partner's (or parent's, or friend's, or co-worker's, etc.) behavior. The authors don't mince words. This is a difficult disorder to deal with and very difficult to live with. This book, even though I bought it, has been a huge gift for me. If the title makes sense to you, then read the book. You won't be sorry!


a great layman's guide for BPD-friends and -family   January 24, 2001
32 out of 32 found this review helpful

I found this an extremely helpful and sophisticated basic guide. Many readers seem to feel it is too negative, but for someone who feels perplexed and hopeless about life with a "borderline", it offers the reassurance that what seems like pure craziness on the part of a loved one actually corresponds to defineable complex of traits and behaviors. Loving a borderline can be a very lonely and frustrating experience, and this book offers support, insight and qualified hope in simple language, and without the annoying dumbed-down tone of most self-help books. I admit to having read it around ten years ago, and I will explore other guides recommended by readers. On the other hand, I have noticed that Prozac, Paxil, etc. don't work as an all purpose panacea for everyone with BPD. Paxil may control one symptom (borderline rage) while not alleviating another (depression, sense of worthlessness). Even if this book doesn't help borderlines themselves, I believe it does help their intimates find ways to be more creative and patient supporters and to take conflicts less personally.


This book helped me to understand why I react the way I do.   April 21, 1999
50 out of 55 found this review helpful

"I Hate You Don't Leave Me" is God's work in my life. This book has helped me to understand what Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is in a way I never understood before. I was feeling feelings and acting in ways I couldn't understand. My life is a constant roller coaster of depression, inner pain and wanting to revenge/retaliate against those people who I love the most and I perceive want to hurt me. I have been in therapy for over seven years. My therapist never told me that I was inflicted with this miserable condition. Now I am able to see myself in a very different light, and it enables me to work on issues I didn't realize I had. Unfortunately, people in the mental health field give Borderlines such a negative connotation that change and growth often times becomes difficult for those of us who are afflicted with this disease. Even though I hold an undergraduate degree in Psychology, "I Hate You Don't Leave Me" explains things to me in ways that I am able to understand. I have ordered copies for many of my friends, so they can gain an understanding of those of us who are cursed with this disease. I can't thank the authors enough for writing this very helpful book.


Authors Published New Book   January 14, 2005
Joe Sackamano
17 out of 17 found this review helpful

Dr. Kreisman has just published a new book on BPD entitled SOMETIMES I ACT CRAZY. Reading both provides a fascinating comparison as to the advances that have been made in the past decade on treating this disorder.